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March 24, 2008 | by  | in Opinion | [ssba]

Acting President’s Column 26 March 08

In this a time of war VUWSA seeks a peaceful solution between Alfs Imperial Army and our associates at Salient. Therefore we propose a series of peaceful talks over a few beverages. Should VUWSA be provoked during these talks however, it will unleash the beast with wrath (Melissa Barnard drunk on rum).

The offer of mercenaries has been made by my brothers from the Brotherhood of Ordained Bogan Students (BOOBS) and while this is a generous offer, we still seek a peaceful solution. If we were to enter into combat however I do believe we will need to appoint a new General. We need a man of pure courage and valour. We need a man who will stand beside his people on that flour bomb covered battlefield. A man who will raise his sword up high and lead his people to GLORIOUS victory! And for that I offer my service-however should you decide I’m a complete idiot and want to discipline me or any executive here is how you do it.

Step one

Find ten merry women and men who are unhappy with the status quo or just emo. These ten gay folk should then sign a parchment that says simply, “That [INSERT NAME] shall resign from the position of _______ in line with part 3 section five subsection 3 of the VUWSA constitution.” This will include their peasant/student id number to prove they are current and existing members of the association.

Step two

Present this piece of parchment to the VUWSA President or Vice President so that they may call a “Special” General Meeting (SGM/battle)-it is most likely you will be able to drink large quantities of cheap swill before this lynching. VUWSA must give five office days notice of a SGM with a time, date and the motions to be put forward.

Step three

In order to roll a member of thee executive thou must have one hundred of your closest infantry present to form battle lines. So step four is to mobilise the troops so you can achieve quorum for the battle.

Step four

Voting for the motion will take place and two thirds of the angry mob must vote in favour of said motion. Stoning will commence afterwards via Salient.

So there you have it! For a long time now students have called for ways to discipline or dismiss their executive and there’s already a way to do so. Admittedly it’s a rather painful process but still rather achievable.


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  1. Ensign John Morrison says:

    A careful reading of our letter in Salient (10 March) would reveal that Alf’s Imperial Army also declared war on VUWSA, for setting up the Clubs Day as a forum for various traitors and malcontents to advertise themselves in the first place.

    Therefore we cannot accept an offer of mediation from a enemy party.

    Your proposal of a new method of choosing/rolling the VUWSA Exec meets with our approval as a process that Alf’s has been advocating for years. Replacing elections with stylish battles may yet make students interested in whatever it is that VUWSA does.

    God Save the Queen! Wizard Save the Empire!

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