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May 5, 2008 | by  | in Opinion | [ssba]

Top Fives by Tai: Top five animal battles

1. Bear vs giant squid
2. Boa vs python
3. 50 mice vs a cat
4. Alien vs predator
5. Predator vs 100 leopard seals

Top five hybrid animals
1. The Mule
2. The geep
3. The liger
4. The chimera
5. Moses (part Mohamed part Jesus)

Top five 90s fashion come-backs
1. Ripped jeans
2. Stubble
3. Flannel shirts
4. The Spice Girls
5. Shooting yourself in the face

Top five reasons to shoot yourself in the face
1. Life is not worth living
2. Nobody likes you
3. Your favourite band is My Chemical Romance
4. I want to see you die
5. Hey, who really needs a reason anyway?

Top five places to keep your 42 year old daughter and the 5 children you fathered with her
1. An apartment in Belgium
2. A religious compound in Texas
3. The exclusive Brethren Community in Nelson
4. Utah
5. A basement in Austria

Top five places to touch your self
1. In your eye
2. Between your toes
3. Behind your ear
4. Under your knee
5. At the Anzac Day dawn parade

Top Fives by Uther

Top Five Emotions
1. . Hate
3. Fear
4. Anger
5. Smugness you feel when you turn down plastic bags in shops to save the planet even though it is ultimately a futile gesture and really changes nothing to any noticeable degree.

Top Five Morals learnt from Fairy Tales
1. Don’t fuck with porridge eating bears
2. Don’t fuck with crossdressing wolves
3. Don’t fuck with clocks if you’re a mouse
4. Don’t fuck with farmer’s wives if you’re a blind mouse
5. You do not talk about fight club.

Top Five Sources of Casual Racism
1. YouTube
2. The Working Class
3. The Middle Class
4. The Upper Class
5. Salient


About the Author ()

Salient is a magazine. Salient is a website. Salient is an institution founded in 1938 to cater to the whim and fancy of students of Victoria University. We are partly funded by VUWSA and partly by gold bullion that was discovered under a pile of old Salients from the 40's. Salient welcomes your participation in debate on all the issues that we present to you, and if you're a student of Victoria University then you're more than welcome to drop in and have tea and scones with the contributors of this little rag in our little hideaway that overlooks Wellington.

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Uncomfortable places: skin.

:   Where are you from?  My list was always ready: England, Ireland, Scotland, Wales, puppy dogs’ tails, a little Spanish, maybe German, and—almost as an afterthought—half Samoan. An unwanted fraction.   But you don’t seem like a Samoan. I thought you were [inser

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