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July 14, 2008 | by  | in Opinion | [ssba]

Week In Politics

Looks like we got ourselves a convoy
This week truckies around the country took to their rigs to protest a $200 increase in their road user charges, the second since 1989. Truckies indiscriminately burnt over $200 of precious diesel fuel in protest driving around main centres clogging the streets, tooting their fucking horns and making me late for brunch and Conrad angry (He wants a free ride too).

Sport and politics
Once again the government has failed to step in to stop a New Zealand national team from travelling to a ruinous dictatorship. Also, Team Winston is travelling to Fiji to attend a conference on how to rig elections.

Clark v. Key Round 127 and 128
Clark accused Key of owning shares in Toll Holdings. Key denied it on the technicality that he didn’t have them at the time she suggested. However it turns out that Key bought shares a month later. Cha ching!$!$!

It turns out John Key does have a soul and likes to spend time with his wife and kiddies at his at his batch in Omaha, near Warkworth. Clark accused him of not being committed to the job to which she has been married to for the last 27 years.

You’re on Probation
Wayne Mapp’s failed 90 day employment probation bill has resurfaced as a proposed National policy. The policy would give employers the right to dismiss workers within a 90 day period of commencing employment without reason. It only applies to businesses which employ fewer than 20 staff. This broods bad news for us students who are generally employed in bars, retail stores and strip clubs.

National continued their trend of telling us what they are not going to sell this week by announcing that they were not going to sell TVNZ! John, buddy… could you please just provide us with a list of the things you are going to sell? That would be much more helpful.

The Nats plan to free our national broadcaster from the shackles of the charter they have to abide by and give the $15 million currently allocted to TVNZ to New Zealand on Air.

Malaysia, the soap opera of politics 1) Opposition leader Anwar Ibrahim accused of sodomising his parliamentary aide (a dude). 2) Ibrahim says that people are following him and trying to kill him. 3) Deputy Prime Minister Najib Razak accused of having sex with his translator (she’s also a part-time model) 4) The translator is found soon after, exploded. In the forest. Exploded! 5) The detective who accused Shaariibuu of the sex/murder disappears along with his whole family! TVNZ, I want Malaysian soap operas on my screens now!

Missile Madness
Keeeeerpow Iran tests missiles as a deterrent to US and Israeli aggression. US to make cluster bombs safer (by putting the explosives inside rubber duckies) maintaining their holier than thou stance against Iran.

Ich Bein ein Obama
Presumptive Democratic Party candidate, Barack Obama said that he would like to visit the Brandenburg gate in Berlin. Angela Merkel, Germany’s Chancellor, told Obama to fuck off and electioneer on American soil, but the vice chancellor Steinmeier gave Obama the big thumbs up and said having him there would be ace burgers.


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