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August 11, 2008 | by  | in Opinion | [ssba]

Week in Politics

The main story of the week was National fucking up, well actually it was a multiple fuckup fail fest. Firstly outgoing MP for Tauranga, Bob Clarkson thanked the 150 or so brethren that aided his campaign, this is after vehemently denying their assistance during the 2005 election. Then Bill English and Lockwood Smith got caught out by a hip looking “young nat” who had a concealed recording device. They blurted out inane things about Kiwisaver, the Nuclear free policy and other such touchy issues. Key and English immediately fucked up again by flip flopping all over the issues when questioned about them. If you need a hug guys, just call.

Then, in what might signal a shift in National’s marijuana policy, leader John Key paranoidly accused Young Labour of infiltrating the conference and entrapping MPs and that someone had been rifling through his rubbish. This tells us two things, one that Key does not recycle and two that paranoia is the most egotistical of the neuroses. It turns out that Duncan Garner’s source has no affiliation to a political party in parliament. Wipe the marmite off your face Mr. Key.

The story that should be the main story of the week but isn’t is about the RMA and Nationals vague plans to “streamline” it. John Key told Sunday Star Times they would get more private capital involved to speed up the resource consent process; however the reason resource consents take time is down to consultation rather than funding. So while reforming the RMA is a good idea, they don’t have a plan…

Good ol’ Winston has been called before the privileges committee of the House about his hiding of donations made to NZ First/legal fees/the Spenser Trust. It is unknown what the result of their investigations will be, but we can be assured that Winston will have gone in to the meeting covered in Vaseline to make sure nothing will stick.

In a coup for potty mouths everywhere, Sue Bradford said “fuck” in the house. She said it in a quote from a woman who was abused by a WINZ staff member. After listening to the woman on radio on Thursday morning I totally sympathise with the WINZ employee and would have told her to fuck off myself had I been in his shoes. The prudes Peter Dunne and Bill English said that if she can say fuck then anything goes, and the Speaker ruled that it was unparliamentary and that fuck could only be said outside the house while having a quiet ciggie out the back.

Week on the Blogs

Conrad alluded to his position in the political spectrum with a rabid rendition of ravishing the corpse of the National Party in the wake of their colossal weekly fuck up.

Jackson had great plans for a post he was going to do, but that never really came to fruition through his codeine addled brain. He did spend a lot of time lamenting the loss of John Keys, the patron saint of New Zealand.

Tristan posted about the scheming plans that the Nats have for the RMA and how no one cares because the media are shit.

Comment of the Week

The Spirit of Hunter S. Thompson on Eye on the Exec

Don’t take any guff from these swine. If you have any trouble, remember: you can always send a telegram to the right people.

The exec remind me of a man in the depths of an ether binge: there is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than the VUWSA executive other than a man on ether.

As a doctor of journalism, I advise you to take stead of this scoundrel Sonny Thomas and mount a campaign against him like I did in ‘72 against Nixon, the vermin.

Godspeed to you Seonah in your quest to find the Salient dream.


About the Author ()

Salient is a magazine. Salient is a website. Salient is an institution founded in 1938 to cater to the whim and fancy of students of Victoria University. We are partly funded by VUWSA and partly by gold bullion that was discovered under a pile of old Salients from the 40's. Salient welcomes your participation in debate on all the issues that we present to you, and if you're a student of Victoria University then you're more than welcome to drop in and have tea and scones with the contributors of this little rag in our little hideaway that overlooks Wellington.

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