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September 29, 2008 | by  | in Features | [ssba]

Depression is a Jerk

Depression is a word. And words can be used to describe things. Things like depression. But what is depression (the thing not the word), and how can we sort that shit out?

Spending your youth in either a dank, overpriced, tiny flat or the dank, overpriced, architectural nightmare that is this university (while hiding from debt monsters at StudyLink) is bound to get even the most peppy of us down. It’s understandable to feel a tad blue around this time of year, when the essay monster and exam robot/monster hybrid unite with the debt monster to ruin your “It‘s almost summer!” cheer. Sometimes the world’s a bit shit, but left unchecked this shitty feeling can lead to depression and anxiety which are not grouse.

So if you’re just feeling a touch on the crap side then try some of these non-copyright protected mood enhancers:
Loud Music (headphones preferable, as is Wu Tang)
Smashing cardboard boxes
Standing in a field
Standing in a field yelling “KITTENS”

If symptoms persist talk to someone. Seriously. Depression is treatable and current treatments for depression are safe and effective. It is important that you do seek help, as the effects of depression can
be a tad cunty.

Depression affects thinking, motivation, communication, physical activities, sleeping, loss of appetite and hinders your ability to put up with the ridiculous nature of life. This can lead to the cycle of lameness which – like most cycles – is detrimental in the long run.

People are people and people need people. If you are a person and need a person, or if you know a person who needs a person, then be that person. Or if you can’t be that person then help that person find a person who will help that person. In other words, look out for your mates and family; if you are concerned about them then speak up. If you can speak and don’t then you are not being fair to all the people/things that can’t speak (babies, pandas, walls).

If you want to talk to somebody and feel like you can’t talk to a friend, loved one or family member, there are people you can talk to.

Student Health Service: Your student levy fees entitle you to use Student Health Service. You pay for ’em, you might as well use ’em. If you want to know more about the Student Health Service, or make an appointment, visit or phone:
Kelburn Campus – (04) 463 5308
Te Aro Campus – (04) 463 5308
Karori Campus – (04) 463 9537
Pipitea Campus – (04) 463 7474

Strip clubs:
Counselling services aren’t open at 3am, but strip clubs are, and you can pay them to listen to your problems. While these girls aren’t trained to give you proper medical advice, they are trained to be receptive and to make their customers happy. They are kind of expensive, but if you just need someone to listen then naked people might help.

Other peeps to talk to:
Lifeline 0800 543 354
National Depression Helpline 0800 111 757

Alcohol Drug Association 0800 787 797
Alcohol Hotline 0800 787 797
Gambling Problem Helpline Service 0800 654 655
Gay Line / Lesbian Line 0800 802 437

And finally if you just want to vent your “hell is other people” frustrations to someone then you can have a bitch to us. Think up a witty pseudonym and tell us why we suck, we totally have it coming.

So next time you or someone you know is getting stressed about uni or the aforementioned monsters remember that life is absurd and sometimes laughing at it makes you feel better. Sigmund Freud once said that “Man should not strive to eliminate his complexes but to get into accord with them: they are legitimately what directs his conduct in the world.” And for once he is right. Let not neuroses cripple your life, get help and remember you are not alone.

Five things about life that are awesome:
1. Summer – It’s warm which means cheaper power bills, beaches and walking to uni becomes actually bearable.
2. Attractive people – they rule
3. Kittens – They are soft, inquisitive and soooo adorable
4. Films – Cause getting out of your head every once in a while is nice
5. Snoop Dogg – Cause he’s the Dogg Father


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Comments (2)

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  1. Cappadonna says:

    Wu tang is better than diddy, its a fact and like odb said its for the children too, wholesome musice nothing can beat it a bit of triumph, wu chronicles, cream, wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck wit, all good starting points, instantly make you happy, don’t be afraid to venture out into dre, so people don’t think you’re one of those kids who only know about 2001 I suggest you stat with his earlier and most powerful piece Natural born killaz and the album its from and work your way forward.

  2. jim says:

    depression is such a bad disease. its so hard to detect. There are so many different symptoms.

    symptoms of bipolar

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