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March 23, 2009 | by  | in Opinion | [ssba]

The Wong View

Picking the perfect guy isn’t easy, let alone choosing the right species. It seems that in the 21st century, us girls are faced with tough questions and equally tough choices. And with the Twilight craze hitting the cinemas, life just got a little more complicated. So I decided to hit the streets, asking that age-old question: Who would you date, vampire or werewolf?

This experiment involved two guys, some interesting pick up lines and the streets of Wellington. Both got into character readily. Our werewolf was pretty amazing—he was visiting from Japan and had only been in New Zealand for six months. Sometimes he would pronounce, “sit” as “shit” (for example, May I possibly shit here?) and other fun things. I found out it was his last day here—I’m sure he spent it well.
“If I were a vampire, would you let me suck… your neck?”

What is so alluring about vampires? They have fangs, thirst for your blood and could totally kill you. Regardless, you’d probably still sleep with them. Unfortunately, our little vampire had no such luck (fig. 1).

The day started off with a wave of rejections. I can’t say I was surprised. “Would you let me suck your neck” is not a line that conjures romantic dinners and sunset walks. But that didn’t deter him. Neither did the group of fifteen year olds.

The few that preferred vampires had vastly different reasons. Namrata thought, “the teeth are freakin’ cool… I like getting my neck sucked.” Another admirer commented: “They’re immortal, so they’ve got to know all the tricks in the sack.” Interesting.

There were some who needed no coercion (fig. 2). Karin “love[d] everything about vampires… especially the myths and the legends” When asked why she rejected the wolf, she replied, “[I’m] just not into bestiality.” Fair enough.

“I’m a werewolf, will you fuck me?”

You’d actually be amazed how often this line worked. Men and women of all ages were falling for this adorable creature. I can’t blame them.

One time, our little friend actually imitated a wolf peeing (fig. 3). How cute!

Our guy faced little resistance. Most chose him because he “offered more protection” and that “werewolves are just nicer.” However, he did come across some prejudice. Jack, found by the corner dairy, said, “if he were an albino werewolf, I’d be tempted.” That was something we were not expecting.

There was one awesome lady called Pat. She was 61, dressed in pink and actually approached us! It was the best (and only) compliment we had all day. When asked why she would date our wolf, she put it simply in two words: “Why not?” (fig. 4)

“I’m Asian”

For some reason, the Asian also appears to be a legendary race, separate from man. Though not included in this research, one person chose our photographer. I thought he deserved an honourable mention.

So who won the epic war? Though people generally agreed our creatures were “really creepy,” it was our vampire who was victorious. I must say I was rather disappointed. Our werewolf was just so much cuter and as the underdog (excuse the pun), I had a secret hope he would win. But, of course, in the interest of journalism, I remained an impartial observer.

So next time you’re stuck for the perfect species, don’t fret. There are some tough choices you must make in life. But remember: at least you have the Wong View.


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