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April 27, 2009 | by  | in News Opinion | [ssba]

New fourth berry to revolutionise breakfast

A discovery made by a VUW research team on the small sub-Antarctic Island of Enderby more than seven years ago is set to cause sweeping changes to the way you eat breakfast.

Eptatretus stoutii, more colloquially known as an “enderberry” has been purchased, monetised and trade mark protected by kiwi super company Fonterra. For the first time this week, the enderberry was added to such popular products as Sanlu Brand Very Good Three Berry Nutritional Baby Pap for Children; Anchor Three Berry Smoothies, and yes—even Fresh and Fruity three berry yogurt, making the former products obsolete, and (dare I say it in this twitter-obsessed age),somewhat ridiculous.

The news that Christ-governed Australasian food giant Sanitarium have leased cereal rights to enderberry has not caused left-wing frenemy of New Zealand, Dick Hubbard, to sweat berry-flavoured bullets of fear as of yet.

“Hubbard foods is not at all worried about [enderberry]—in fact, we’ve just signed a contract with Zespri [international] to add dried kiwi berries into our fruit muesli. You kids still like that kind of overly-sweet crap, right?”

Upon sampling God’s gift to breakfast, Weir House resident Melissa Goff commented “Enderberry? More like Blenderberry! Let’s make some berry Mojitos, girls!”—to much rejoicement.


About the Author ()

Nic Sando is a god amongst men, fifteen fathoms high he be, with strange and wyrd powers at his disposal. Only a fool won't harken his ears to the east when he hears The Sando man stumping his way.

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