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August 2, 2010 | by  | in News | [ssba]

MOLLY McCARTHY PRESENTS LOL NEWS

LOL news

MTV PIMPS STOCK EXCHANGE

They’ve dated moms, pimped rides, found Paris Hilton a new BFF, and now MTV can add opening the New York Stock Exchange (NYSE) to their list of achievements.

Last week the cast of MTV show Jersey Shore rung the bell to open trading at the NYSE in Manhattan.

Now in its second season, Jersey Shore follows the lives of eight housemates living in Miami.

The stars gave thumbs up, waved and punched the air before opening the NYSE.

GORE RESIDENTS GET ON HIGH HORSE

Business owners in Gore have lodged complaints recently about emissions from the police station’s incinerator.

The smell of cannabis is particularly strong when seized drugs are destroyed, say local business staff.

“It’s awful, I hate the smell,” says shop assistant Diane Williams.

The incinerator is also located close to public toilets and statues frequented by tourists.

This was the first time that police had received complaints. Sergeant Ian Temple said it may have to do with timing.

In any case, Gore residents will be living the high life until the issue is resolved.

WOMAN TELLS POLICE TO PISS OFF

Californian police were showered in urine recently when they attempted to arrest a woman in Pasadena.

39-year-old Monica Avila had reportedly tried to run over a man just a few hours before she was pulled over by police.

The arresting officers were then covered in Avila’s urine when she removed her urostomy bag and threw it at them.

KINGS OF LEON, SHIT

A Kings of Leon concert was called off in St Louis recently because it was too shit.

The band marched off stage after playing only three songs because of bird droppings falling from the pigeons in the rafters. Bassist Jared Followill gave up when excrement dribbled into his mouth.

The promoter has assured fans that tickets will be refunded.

THIEVES GRANT WISH, RETURN FISH

Thieves who stole 90 goldfish from a couple in Greymouth late last month have now returned at least 50 to the pond.

Allan and Kaye Smith were shocked and upset to find their goldfish missing, but even more shocked to see them returned.

Mrs Smith was feeding the remaining fish when she noticed some of the lost fish in the pond.

“I let out a scream and nearly fell in the pool.”

It remains unclear how the Smiths are able to accurately count their goldfish….

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