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October 4, 2010 | by  | in Opinion | [ssba]

That’s so gay

I like sex and I talk a lot about it. This week I think I’ll take a break from it—I will talk about sexuality, but there will be less of that sex hoohah. You see, there are people who do not experience sexual attraction: they are called asexuals, and from the very small number of them that I have met (and that guy from Shorty) they seem to be very rad. They also have some of the coolest symbols in the Queer world (except for the International Bear Brotherhood Flag). Notable asexuals include the lady who wrote The Bone People and the lead guy from Deerhunter.

When I first heard about asexuals, I thought they would be reclusive, shy, boring types—I am SUCH a silly. I don’t even know where I got this assumption from; a lack of sexual attraction doesn’t make that much of a difference, especially since many still experience romantic attraction and accordingly can still categorise themselves under different sexualities (homo-romantic, hetero-romantic etc).

Now it occurs to me that being asexual in this society would be pretty sux. So much around us is urging us to have sex, all the media crap, lists of sexiest people alive and stay clear of Cosmo. I imagine you’d feel a bit dejected by society at times, hell even I feel stink at UniQ sometimes, because I feel we focus too much on sex and it makes me feel stink-as-less-inclusive. Luckily there’s support groups, cos let’s be honest, me and my libido are not much support.

There’s AVEN, the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (, which seems to have a plethora of information, or more locally, AANZ, Asexuality Aotearoa New Zealand ( which has links, a brochure you could print off or just read and a list of other asexuals or asexual groups, including a group in Wellington (email for more information).

One thing seems to clear in the reading I’ve done, asexuality is definitely not abstinence/celibacy, not being able to find a partner or sexual repression. It is simply that for no particular reason you do not desire to have the sexy times.

It’s rad and I’m gonna have to stop assuming everyone is out to get laid now, thus screwing up the entire structure of my sage advice. Drat!


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  1. Michael says:

    Hello. Please be aware that the Asexuality Aotearoa NZ website is now back up and running again with myself as the new site owner and webmaster. We are all very appreciative for the work that Chris has done over the past 5 years in raising the profile of asexuality in New Zealand.

  2. Elvisa says:

    Wow… Nice work! It’s so important for people to know these things and get their facts right.

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