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October 11, 2010 | by  | in Theatre | [ssba]

The Salient Theatre Awards 2010

That’s right! Theatre! Awards! Theawards!

Best Use of Giant Cardboard Cityscape—The Arrival

Best Use of Aaron Cortesi in a Wig—Mark Twain and Me in Maoriland

Best Disabled Naked Person—Sophie Hambleton in KatyDid

Best Echo—Darlene Mohekey in Shipwrecked!

Best Adaptation of a F. Scott Fitzgerald Novel—The Great Gatsby

Best Play That Turned Out A Lot Better than You Could Reasonably Assume from Its Premise and Advertising—My First Time

Best Animal—the Horses in Equus

Worst Stage Combat in an Otherwise Okay Play—Mauritius

Best Play Directed By The Writer Of The Salient Theatre Pages—DOORS. WALLS. AND ALSO SILENCE.

Best Play About David Bain—the middle act of The December Brother

Worst Play About David Bain—the rest of The December Brother

Worst Kept Secret—Martyn Wood as new Programme manager at BATS

Best Comedic Mispronunciations—Tea for Toot

Best Use of Balloons—Resolve

Best Yelling Through a Door—Dan Slevin in The Immortal

Best Performance by Andrew Foster in Realtime—Ninety

Best American Accents By Young People—Vernon God Little

Best Rapping by a White Person—Ralph McCubbin Howell in both Who’s Neat? You! and KatyDid

Best Sex with the Corpse of a Hari Krishna—Mitch Tawhi Thomas in Jangle

Best Freaky Child Puppets—Aphelion

Best Emoting—Guy Langford in Wannabe

Most Boring Play—Mary Stuart

Best Play with Palindromic Title—Dog Sees God

Best Play That Should Have Been in Circa Two Rather than BATS—Father Familiar

The “Best International Play” Award for the Best Play from Overseas—TEOREMAT

Best Ralph Upton—Ralph Upton in Elimination Rounds

Second Best Play of the Year—The Guru of Chai

Best Play of the Year—Mark Twain and Me in Maoriland

Worst Play of the Year if Not Ever—Pink Lighter


About the Author ()

Uther was one of the two arts editors in 2009. He was the horoscopier and theatre writer in 2010. Alongside Elle Hunt, Uther was coeditor in 2011.

Comments (15)

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  1. nick zwart says:

    uther, you smell

  2. Here are the awards that get given out during the commecial breaks:

    The Women’s Weekly Horoscope award for ‘Play Most Likely to Depict my Future’ – Tea For Toot.

    The Target Hidden Camera award for Most Dishonest Review – Song of Four.

    The Auckland Fringe Must Have Really Sucked Award – Ruby Tuesday.

    Most Ridiculously Talented Young People – Patrick Carroll and Jonathan Price, The Misanthrope.

    Most Ridiculously Talented Old People – Ian McKellan and Roger Rees, Waiting for Godot.

    Most Amusing Use of Soviets – The Master and Margarita.

    Most Curious Use of a Pink Suit – Nathan Meister, The Great Gatsby.

    Best Use of Dairy Products – Sound of Silence.

    Best Self-Parody on Youtube – Playground Collective.

    Best Man Pash – Paul Waggott and David Goldthorpe, Dog Sees God.

    Best Use of Bike Shorts for Comic Effect – Simon Smith, Gods and Heroes.

  3. Uther Dean says:

    I think we can expand “Most Ridiculously Talented Young People” to the whole of Long Cloud.

  4. Uther Dean says:

    Also, you callin’ my ‘Song of Four’ review dishonest?

  5. Dawn Humphries says:

    Best Man Pash – I disagree, and nominate the two marquis from ‘The Misanthrope’ – their names escape me. Hilarious!

  6. Tea for Toot-ers says:

    Cheers, fellow Parps!

  7. Miss Holiday Golightly, Travelling says:

    I’d like to nominate Toi Whakaari for the Worst Box Office award in recognition of the many tiresome lectures I have received for inadvertent failure to recite my booking number when collecting tickets. Why isn’t my name enough?! Exactly how many people do they have trying to steal their friend’s tickets to Toi shows?

  8. Uther Dean says:

    Interesting, Miss Golightly. I have never had that experience – they’ve always been happy to take my name as enough to pick up tickets.

  9. smackdown says:

    Uther Dean. Has Name. Will be served.

  10. Miss Holiday Golightly, Travelling says:

    They probably know who you are though, Uther, and if they do know they have an incentive not to irritate you in particular right before you see/review a show! In contrast, I’m just Joe Public, which means they don’t know who I am and fuels the ticket-theft paranoia.

    It’s happened at least three times to me. Each time they lecture me in a condecending manner about how I have to bring the reference number to get my tickets and how someone could steal my tickets if the box office just accepted my name at face value. That makes no sense to me (how would anyone know I’d booked tickets for X performance?) and I end up all irritated and distracted during the show. BATS, Downstage and Circa are all far more relaxed, so I’m not sure why Toi is so uptight about it.

    To humour Toi (and save myself the hassle) I do try to remember to take the booking number along for them, but I don’t always remember. I’d be curious to know if anyone else has had the same experience – perhaps I’ve just been unlucky.

  11. My Name says:

    They probably think you’re being silly – how unfortunate is your name! (btw in case you didn’t know its a character from a movie called breakfast at tiffany’s)

  12. Miss Holiday Golightly, Travelling says:

    Well, Miss Golightly was in fact a character in a short novel long before she was a character in the movie. Good point though, except that I use my real name when I book theatre tickets :)

  13. Uther Dean says:

    Miss Golightly – Yes, I had considered the fact that my “reputation” or “status” as a critic may have changed their behaviour. But I then thought back to those halycon days BEFORE I was a theatre critic and was but a theatre goer and even then I had no trouble getting into Toi shows with only my name. Maybe things have changed.

  14. smackdown says:

    maybe you should change ur name via deed pole from miss holiday golighty to something more believable like ringo starr or iggy pop or the situation

    strong names that stand the test of time

  15. My Name says:

    troll = successful

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