That’s right! Theatre! Awards! Theawards!
Best Use of Giant Cardboard Cityscape—The Arrival
Best Use of Aaron Cortesi in a Wig—Mark Twain and Me in Maoriland
Best Disabled Naked Person—Sophie Hambleton in KatyDid
Best Echo—Darlene Mohekey in Shipwrecked!
Best Adaptation of a F. Scott Fitzgerald Novel—The Great Gatsby
Best Play That Turned Out A Lot Better than You Could Reasonably Assume from Its Premise and Advertising—My First Time
Best Animal—the Horses in Equus
Worst Stage Combat in an Otherwise Okay Play—Mauritius
Best Play Directed By The Writer Of The Salient Theatre Pages—DOORS. WALLS. AND ALSO SILENCE.
Best Play About David Bain—the middle act of The December Brother
Worst Play About David Bain—the rest of The December Brother
Worst Kept Secret—Martyn Wood as new Programme manager at BATS
Best Comedic Mispronunciations—Tea for Toot
Best Use of Balloons—Resolve
Best Yelling Through a Door—Dan Slevin in The Immortal
Best Performance by Andrew Foster in Realtime—Ninety
Best American Accents By Young People—Vernon God Little
Best Rapping by a White Person—Ralph McCubbin Howell in both Who’s Neat? You! and KatyDid
Best Sex with the Corpse of a Hari Krishna—Mitch Tawhi Thomas in Jangle
Best Freaky Child Puppets—Aphelion
Best Emoting—Guy Langford in Wannabe
Most Boring Play—Mary Stuart
Best Play with Palindromic Title—Dog Sees God
Best Play That Should Have Been in Circa Two Rather than BATS—Father Familiar
The “Best International Play” Award for the Best Play from Overseas—TEOREMAT
Best Ralph Upton—Ralph Upton in Elimination Rounds
Second Best Play of the Year—The Guru of Chai
Best Play of the Year—Mark Twain and Me in Maoriland
Worst Play of the Year if Not Ever—Pink Lighter
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About the Author (Author Profile)
Uther was one of the two arts editors in 2009. He was the horoscopier and theatre writer in 2010. Alongside Elle Hunt, Uther was coeditor in 2011.Comments (15)
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uther, you smell
Here are the awards that get given out during the commecial breaks:
The Women’s Weekly Horoscope award for ‘Play Most Likely to Depict my Future’ – Tea For Toot.
The Target Hidden Camera award for Most Dishonest Review – Song of Four.
The Auckland Fringe Must Have Really Sucked Award – Ruby Tuesday.
Most Ridiculously Talented Young People – Patrick Carroll and Jonathan Price, The Misanthrope.
Most Ridiculously Talented Old People – Ian McKellan and Roger Rees, Waiting for Godot.
Most Amusing Use of Soviets – The Master and Margarita.
Most Curious Use of a Pink Suit – Nathan Meister, The Great Gatsby.
Best Use of Dairy Products – Sound of Silence.
Best Self-Parody on Youtube – Playground Collective.
Best Man Pash – Paul Waggott and David Goldthorpe, Dog Sees God.
Best Use of Bike Shorts for Comic Effect – Simon Smith, Gods and Heroes.
I think we can expand “Most Ridiculously Talented Young People” to the whole of Long Cloud.
Also, you callin’ my ‘Song of Four’ review dishonest?
Best Man Pash – I disagree, and nominate the two marquis from ‘The Misanthrope’ – their names escape me. Hilarious!
Cheers, fellow Parps!
I’d like to nominate Toi Whakaari for the Worst Box Office award in recognition of the many tiresome lectures I have received for inadvertent failure to recite my booking number when collecting tickets. Why isn’t my name enough?! Exactly how many people do they have trying to steal their friend’s tickets to Toi shows?
Interesting, Miss Golightly. I have never had that experience – they’ve always been happy to take my name as enough to pick up tickets.
Uther Dean. Has Name. Will be served.
They probably know who you are though, Uther, and if they do know they have an incentive not to irritate you in particular right before you see/review a show! In contrast, I’m just Joe Public, which means they don’t know who I am and fuels the ticket-theft paranoia.
It’s happened at least three times to me. Each time they lecture me in a condecending manner about how I have to bring the reference number to get my tickets and how someone could steal my tickets if the box office just accepted my name at face value. That makes no sense to me (how would anyone know I’d booked tickets for X performance?) and I end up all irritated and distracted during the show. BATS, Downstage and Circa are all far more relaxed, so I’m not sure why Toi is so uptight about it.
To humour Toi (and save myself the hassle) I do try to remember to take the booking number along for them, but I don’t always remember. I’d be curious to know if anyone else has had the same experience – perhaps I’ve just been unlucky.
They probably think you’re being silly – how unfortunate is your name! (btw in case you didn’t know its a character from a movie called breakfast at tiffany’s)
Well, Miss Golightly was in fact a character in a short novel long before she was a character in the movie. Good point though, except that I use my real name when I book theatre tickets :)
Miss Golightly – Yes, I had considered the fact that my “reputation” or “status” as a critic may have changed their behaviour. But I then thought back to those halycon days BEFORE I was a theatre critic and was but a theatre goer and even then I had no trouble getting into Toi shows with only my name. Maybe things have changed.
maybe you should change ur name via deed pole from miss holiday golighty to something more believable like ringo starr or iggy pop or the situation
strong names that stand the test of time
troll = successful