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February 21, 2011 | by  | in News | [ssba]

LOL News

Bieber Big Fat Global Success, Bieber Fans Big Fat Cry Babies

This month at the Grammys, a woman named Esperanza Spalding made the mistake of winning the Best New Artist award, beating favourite Justin Bieber. Foolish Spalding did not consider the fact that Bieber’s fans are petulant ass-hats who would then use the internet as a tool for evil, pelting her with death threats and criticising her for not being as famous as Bieber. The furious fans then used her Wikipedia page to taunt her and start rumours. However, one person did change her name on Wikipedia to Esperanza Quesadilla Spalding, which is kind of funny if you get into mildly racist humour.

Child Drinks Beer, Listens to Nu-Disco, Parties With Topless Dudes

This is an eyewitness account so get ready to hear some Real Talk. At Campus A Low Hum 2011, on the last night, indie band Spring Break played an “insane” set in the pool, ripping off their shirts and demanding that the crowd do the same. A young boy, aged approximately nine, appeared on stage with Spring Break, a beer in each hand, facing a pool full of sweaty, drunk, shirtless maniacs. No, “aged approximately nine” is not an exaggeration. Yes, his parents knew he was there. And, yes, he is going to be cooler than Will Smith’s daughter.

Apple Pie Wedding Cake In, Not Sure What Previous Standard Was

In Hong Kong you can get married at McDonald’s, in a ceremony fondly referred to as a ‘McWedding’. The first couple to do so, Kelvin and Ashley, believed it was a cheap alternative to a traditional wedding that maintained its romantic aspect, on the basis that McDonald’s is where they used to date. The couple chose an Apple Pie Wedding Cake for their special day, which came as part of the ‘Warm and Sweet Wedding’ package—for $1282, you get wedding gifts, wedding invitations emblazoned with the Golden Arches and popular McDonald’s characters, and a cake. There are two more couples booked in for this year, and apparently 70 more are in talks to arrange their McWeddings.

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  1. Jannika says:

    Whoa, whoa, get out the way with that good ifnormation.

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