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March 14, 2011 | by  | in Opinion | [ssba]

Ask Constance

This is my first go at anything like this, so go easy on me. My boyfriend really likes to do it from behind (doggystyle) but I find that it’s not very intimate. I don’t really enjoy it because of that. Usually we have sex in the missionary position (I guess he’d rather have sex my way because it’s better than no sex at all), but I want to be able to change it up, without feeling a lack of intimacy. Help?
Role Over Red Rover

Oooh good pseudonym, RORR. Sounds like you enjoy ‘making love’ more than fucking, or you at least need a decent helping of kissing and cuddling rather than pure dirty funtimes.

I think it’s cool that you’ve identified what you like, and what makes you feel a bit like a fuckstick. It’s different for everyone. I want to start out by saying don’t feel like you need to bend (sorry, too easy) to suit others if something makes you really uncomfortable. But if it is just a preference (and a preference for intimacy, rather than a hatred of a position) then that can be worked on.

Firstly, be honest about why you want lots of intimacy during sex. Is it because you could do with more of it in general? If so, tell him. I’m sure if you explain that maybe you’d be more open to him doing you from behind if you generally felt more adored and snuggled in general, he’d be open to showing you more love. It’s amazing how many couples only get really intimate when their clothes are off.

When it comes to the nakedfuntimes, figure out what intimacy in sex means for you and do lots of it. You don’t need to compromise entirely, just try and get your desires filled and then do the same for him. If it’s kissing and cuddling, make sure your foreplay has heaps of it.

If you are really secure that you and your partner are into each other, having your back to him shouldn’t mean much. Once you feel that your foreplay or starter sex has made you suitably fuzzy inside, let him tell you what he’d like to do. If it is doggy style, and you’re comfortable, go for it.

Doggy style can actually feel really nice for the lady. It is many a woman’s position of preference. Have fun with it, experiment about what angles feel good for you. Try arching your back, leaning forwards at an angle, or even doing it when you’re both lying down. That position allows for heaps of neck and back kissing, as well as turning your head round for a pash. (It helps with that position for him to enter you while you’re on all fours and then for you both to lean into lying down). Don’t forget, if you’re doing it on all fours you can always sit back up and lean back for a pash break. Especially don’t forget he can play with your clit from behind at that angle. Really it’s a hidden gem of a position.
Have fun!
Constance Cravings

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