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April 4, 2011 | by  | in Opinion | [ssba]

LoL News

Older Lady Doesn’t Take Sexual Rejection Well

92-year-old Floridian Helen Staudinger approached her 53-year-old next-door neighbour Dwight Bettner at his home and refused to leave until he gave her a kiss. She eventually left his house, furious, after a heated argument. Staudinger then fired her semi-automatic pistol four times at Bettner’s house, hitting a window once, spraying him with glass and narrowly missing his head. Reuters reports that Bettner is still not romantically interested in her.

Rubber Duck Heist a Robbery Most Fowl

2500 rubber ducks have been stolen from a suburban Chicago police academy. The Ducks were to be part of an unexplained fundraiser, the annual “Duck Pluck”. The details of how this will raise funds are unclear, but the police are hot on the trail of the duck thieves following sightings of small groups of rubber ducks scattered across a road leading out of town, presumably headed south.

University Lecturer Wees On Door Frequently

Mathematics professor Tihomir Petrov, 43, has been charged with a misdemeanour for ‘piddling’ on a colleague’s door, with whom he had been feuding, a number of times. Petrov was caught ‘taking a slash’ on the door by a security camera which was installed after the colleague complained of an unidentified ‘pisser’ ‘making pee-pee’ on his door.

Rednecks Fulfill My Childhood Dream, Prove Risks Exist

Timothy Walker, 48, was thrown from the top of his friend’s car where he had been lying to secure two mattresses in the absence of any rope to tie it down, and any common sense to tell him it was a bad idea. The event occurred in North Carolina, the driver took a corner too fast, and Walker is now hospitalised but in a stable condition.

Cat Stuck In Tree, Fire-Fighters Come To Rescue

A cat stuck in a tree for 3 days outside a Palmerston North school had to be rescued by fire fighters. Austin Pomana faced the claws of the helpless feline at the request of the SPCA and neighbours who could hear the cat’s desperate wails for three days and nights.


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