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September 25, 2011 | by  | in Features | [ssba]

Auntie Sharon’s Opinion On Love

I’m sorry to be the one to burst your bubble, but there is no ‘one’. There is no ‘one’ person who will make you feel complete, and no soul mate waiting for your serendipitous arrival. You are not one half of a jigsaw, just waiting to be clipped together with your other half.

In my opinion, this concept is a very unhelpful figment of Hollywood’s imagination, perpetuated primarily by Disney and other films that end up in the Young Adult section of the video store.

I’m not saying this because I’m a bitter old person who wants to ruin your ideas of romance. I’m saying this in hope that you might come to your senses, and have a better chance of meeting someone you can have a long, genuine and mostly happy relationship with. I’m trying to save you some time.

Right now, you are probably looking for signs from the universe that he/she is the one. That you’ve caught the same bus to university for the past year but somehow never met. That you both love that same Bob Dylan album and own it on vinyl. That you both have dog-eared copies of On The Road. You know what all of that stuff is? Just shit you have in common, and shit you could have in common with any of the straggly looking fuckers around you.

You’re probably also waiting for that feeling. In movies they say ‘you’ll know’ when they’re ‘the one’, and it implies some sort of mystical tingling. I’ve had the tingling (on several occasions) and (every time) it just turned out to be hot sex-attraction. And sometimes gas.

Many of you are also no doubt rapidly adding to your list of must-haves in a lover: a sense of humour, nice eyes, same taste in music, nice arse, kind and thoughtful, will hang out with your friends, a good mix of intelligent and silly, same religion, same politics, dog-person not cat-person etc, etc, etc…

The problem is, if you keep looking for the instant magic and someone who meets your list of requirements, you’ll either be eternally dissatisfied or single. There is magic, there is spark, but it’s not because you’re fated to be together—it comes from mutual love, respect and friendship.

The fact is, in this world there are probably several hundred people that you could stand to be around for a good chunk of the day, every day, for the rest of your foreseeable life.

Uncle Daz is short, balding, and insists on wearing camo shorts year-round. Nothing I was looking for in an ideal man. But the man loves me unconditionally, is a wonderful friend and heaps of fun to hang out with. I don’t even mind his farts anymore.

I chose him because it was the right time. We were on the same page, wanted the same things from life and were both willing to put the work in. I chose him because I could trust him, have a conversation with him, and he didn’t mind my family as much as I did. It was nothing to do with destiny.

In keeping with my advisory role to you all: quit thinking that your fate is hurtling toward you, quit your dreaming. Instead, have a good hard think about what’s really important to you. Is it someone who listens to the same music, or someone who won’t cheat on you? (Hopefully both, actually). Just start being realistic, and stop waiting for the one.


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