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June 6, 2017 | by  | in Politics | [ssba]

The Trump Front

Surprise! Bet you thought you’d seen the last of your ol’ mate T-rump! Well, check yourselves because old dog has been up to some preeeeetty shady news tricks over our two week hiatus.

Firstly, this whole Comey drama is back AT IT again. This tale is honestly just so extra that my 300 word limit wouldn’t even begin to get into the nitty gritty of it. An overtly-simplified version of events goes something like this: Comey = fired because: Trump = Russia. This was followed swiftly by: World = explodes. AND, in a complete twist, Comey states that he kept written proof of this Russia = Trump scenario, in the form of memos written after every one-on-one interaction he had with Don-boy. Cheeky! Of course, Trumpy is stating that it’s all a LIE and FAKE NEWS, but the world is waiting in anticipation for homeboy Comey to release his debut, tell-all novel: What Really Happened in the Oval Office. (Disclaimer: this may be false, but @Comey, if you’re reading this, that would make a great title FYI).

Right, next: The first foreign tour for the less-than-impressive duo of Melania and Donster came to an anti-climactic ending last week. Although a lot of noteworthy things occurred during the big “Trump OE” (see: Pope Francis giving T-dog a sneaky letter on the realities of climate change at the Vatican; and Trump-o shoulder barging his way past the Prime Minister of Montenegro so he could walk with the big boys at the NATO summit in Brussels) the big talking point was Melania literally SWATTING Donald’s hand away on not one, but TWO separate occasions during the trip. Both times, Donny goes to take Mel’s hand, when she retaliates with the true-and-tested flick of the wrist, a move that clearly says “keep those grimy hands off me you creep.”

We feel you Melanz, we feel you.

[ssba]

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