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April 16, 2018 | by  | in *News* | [ssba]

Tinder Usage Booms as Cold Snap Hits NZ

According to the application’s parent company IAC, as of mid-April Tinder usage in New Zealand has gone up by 43%.

With temperatures in Wellington dropping below 10°C, cuffing season has slapped the capital like a limp dick, and to stay warm many Victoria University students have resorted to fucking strangers.

Students said while they’re happy to brave the weather to get laid, they are concerned about the temperature of the host’s bed.

“I usually get them to send me a picture of their electric blanket with a current timestamp before I agree to go over,” said Lu Dylan, fifth year law student at Victoria. Dylan lives in Aro Valley, and said re-downloading Tinder was “abhorrent, but inevitable”.

“My flat isn’t insulated and the windows in my room don’t shut properly. Last winter I often woke up to a light covering of dew on my duvet. Sometimes you have to pretend you enjoy someone’s company to stay warm — it’s just about survival.”

One particularly temperature adverse student told Salient that they asked potential hookups to send pictures of their hot water bottles and oil heaters rather than nudes. “It’s only practical, I have class in the morning.”

Another student told Salient that having a heatpump in the flat was “a real panty-dropper”. He said he always gets more matches heading into winter, adding, “heating is included in my rent — thank fucking god or else I’d be pretty much celibate”.

IAC expects that Tinder’s popularity will continue to grow as students’ standards drop with the temperature.

If you have any information about Wellington landlords offering student renters a year’s subscription for Tinder Plus in place of installing adequate insulation, email news@salient.org.nz

*Disclaimer: This is shit news.*

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