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May 28, 2018 | by  | in *News* | [ssba]

Royal Wedding Reactions on the Streets on London

On 19 May 2018, Meghan Markle wed Prince Harry, and the world rejoiced. There’s nothing — as it turns out — more relatable than seeing rich and successful people celebrate their happy heteronormativity.

“Yeah, I think that Meg’s dress — yeah, I call her Meg — was beautiful. Really took my mind off the fact that I haven’t showered in months,” said Jenny Opal, one of the thousands of homeless in London.

“Of course I watched the parade. Some people came and lined up days before, but I’ve been here for years. Living my life, getting ready. Waiting for this moment.”

Opal said that nothing could have prepared her for the first glimpse of the joyous couple. “Best moment of my life, best moment of their lives.”

The wedding was last week, but Opal and some of her friends are still riding the high.

“I love reading all the media coverage of the event,” said Matthew Moonstone, who would’ve liked to have seen the anti-homeless spikes around London removed but thought that having the Royal Wedding in his backyard was a nice consolation prize.

“Nothing gives me more joy than reading analyses of the sermon and the ceremony in old papers I find in the park, then bringing it back to the alley, where I explain the symbolism of the flowers in the train to everyone as we share a single cold can of baked beans.” As he described the scene, Moonstone’s eyes filled with warmth.

“There’s something transcendental about a wedding, isn’t there?” mused Elaine Sapphire, who is “definitely not friends” with Moonstone and Opal.

“It’s like, who cares that I’m hungry and tired and homeless? Meghan is hot. And how savage was it that Harry invited his ex?”

*Disclaimer: This is shit news*


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