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June 5, 2018 | by  | in *News* | [ssba]

Underground Artisan Tobacco Culture Emerges with Plain Packaging

New laws banning branded cigarette packets have come into effect in New Zealand over the last few weeks, and one tobacco enthusiast has turned entrepreneur.
Ron Kellerny is the King Pin of a new, innovative underworld business that he’s calling “Dart Crafting”. Dismayed at the lack of colour and branding on his usual Port Royal pouch, Kellerny has employed 15 local Wellington artists to create unique designs over the black, bureaucratically-mandated packaging.
Kellerny then upsells the new-look pouches and packs on the deep web, or on the street for 10% over the retail price.
Kellerny, a self-proclaimed “Bachelor of Darts”, predominantly targets rich hipsters and impressionable 18-year-olds with his “artisan” cigarettes. “The hipsters are easy, ‘cause they like anything that looks pretty and feels vaguely dangerous. The kids? The kids have no fucking clue what brand of tobacco to get — put something shiny in front of them and they’re sold.”
“I mean, obviously smoking is bad for you. You shouldn’t fucking smoke,” said Kellerney. “But you’re gonna smoke anyway aren’t ya, so I reckon there’s money to be found in making that a pleasant experience.”
One source told Salient that David Seymour — despite not being a smoker — commissioned a pack of Benson & Hegdes painted with “LAISSEZ FAIRE” in gold. The source also said Kellerney charged Seymour double the supermarket price for a pack of B&H.

*Disclaimer: This is shit news.*


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