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September 30, 2019 | by  | in *News* | [ssba]

“Uh Oh, Sweeties”: Tom Sainsbury Exposed as Every Wellington City Council Candidate


Tom Sainsbury’s appearance in Auckland council voting papers was a shining light of hope buried in a campaign period marred by underwhelming frontrunners, outright racism, and bizzare policy proposals.


However, what may have been considered wholesome, has become a scandal.


In documents leaked to ^Salient last week, it was revealed that the comedian is, in fact, ^all of the candidates running for Wellington City Council. 


Sainsbury has  been impersonating every council candidate in the city, with nobody the wiser.


Sainsbury’s impersonations were a staple of his online presence, with satirical videos of him posing as Simon Bridges, Judith Collins, and many more.


However, it appears those skills have been put to more sinister means.


The documents were also leaked to the Electoral Commission, which released a statement soon after, alongside a warrant for Sainsbury’s arrest. Police entered Sainsbury’s home last Thursday. 


Initially, police thought prominent National Party MP Paula Bennett was the only person present, but Sainsbury was exposed and detained after police noticed the impersonator’s clip-on earrings were plastic, rather than Bennett’s standard solid gold ones.


However, Sainsbury spent only a short period detained, as a video depicting Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern called for his immediate release.


Ardern assured the public that her appearance in the back of a police car, with accompanying five o’clock shadow and ruffled hair, were just a consequence of “an absolute whirlwind of a time in New York”. 


Opposition Leader Simon Bridges supported Ardern’s statement in a video from a police cell he “just happened to be visiting”.


^Salient contacted Sainsbury to ask how he had managed to fool the Wellington public.


“Well it was pretty easy really,” he said.


“I just needed to rotate my wig a bit to change characters, and when it came to panel discussions, I just set up mannequins with smiley faces on them. Nobody could tell.”


“The most I ever had to do was close-ups as Justin Lester. I just had to suck my cheeks in a bit and stand on my tippy toes.”


“The easiest part was policies. I mostly just copied and pasted them from each other. People just expect that nowadays.”


Sainsbury declined to comment on how far the conspiracy ran, but said he “couldn’t wait to represent the people of Wellington”. Videos since released by every member of Parliament and all senior members of the public service have confirmed this.


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