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September 30, 2019

  Tom Sainsbury’s appearance in Auckland council voting papers was a shining light of hope buried in a campaign period marred by underwhelming frontrunners, outright racism, and bizzare policy proposals.   However, what may have been considered wholesome, has become a scandal.   In documents leaked to ^Salient last week, it was revealed that the […]

May 13, 2019

Last week, USA Today released an article titled “You don’t need that: Average American spends almost $18,000 a year on nonessentials”. According to the article,  Americans splurge roughly $18,000 a year on things “we can all do without”, such as coffee, buying lunch, gym memberships, and personal grooming.   Considering the towering inability of our […]

May 13, 2019

  A prominent Auckland-based anti-vaxxer has died of measles, after contracting it from her unvaccinated child. Karen Smith, 42, had been an anti-vaxxer for the entirety of her life. Talking to Salient through a ouija board, Smith said, “I took my son James to a measles party in my leafy suburb. He got measles, and […]

April 9, 2019

Our frenemies at Critic are currently in a spot of legal hot water. Professional baby boomer Michael Laws is considering suing the magazine and the Otago University Students’ Association for defamation after they published something to do with elephants. Not to be outdone, the libellous hacks here at Salient have put together a comprehensive list […]

April 9, 2019

Local politics student, Savid Deymour, has publicly declared his desire to contest a fail grade after he forgot to attend the assessment.   The assessment on April 2 required a credible attempt to pass. Passing in itself was a terms requirement.   On that basis, Deymour’s complete failure to even enter the room in which […]

March 18, 2019

The following is a true account. It’s real and it’s not okay. It was my first tutorial at university, and it started off in a very normal way. We walked in and sat down in dead silence; the only thing connecting us the deep-seated fear of having to be that one kid who had to […]

March 11, 2019

There is growing speculation at Otago University around the relationship between student magazine Critic Te Arohi and its most popular son, the Critic Booze Reviews (CBR).   What began as a playful, fun review of alcoholic beverages intermingled with quality banter has turned into a bloodthirsty power struggle. CBR has exploded in size in since […]

March 4, 2019

In a watershed moment for first-year student Josh Smith, sources have revealed that he spent NZD$125.99 of actual real-life money on a brand new textbook for a 100-level Politics paper. Mr Smith reportedly walked into the Kelburn branch of VicBooks, assuming the relevant stack of glued-together paper was worth its exorbitant asking price. Witnesses told […]

February 25, 2019

On February 13, we were forced to love and leave our favourite 15-year-old in the cold red deserts of our imagination.   Taking humanity farther than it had ever been before, the Mars Rover (Opportunity) blitzed the competition for Best Teenager in the Universe for the third year in a row. Commentators suggest the win […]

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